June 10: I get in a minor fender-bender on Calgary Trail. Yes, I am an idiot, and feel free to tell me I should quit driving. My girlfriend is uninjured; my Mini, however, has a dented front bumper and two detonated front airbags.

June 17: I trade in my rental Kia Rio because a) the steering wheel vibrates like a Mexican space shuttle, and b) it smells vaguely like feet. The Toyota Corolla is marginally better.

July 10: I call the repair shop and ask what's up. Apparently they are waiting for a part from BMW, specifically an airbag.

July 13: "BMW tells me it'll be a week."

July 22: My airbag is not yet in place. Actually, my airbag is not yet in Canada. It's not even MADE yet, as it's on factory back order. In Germany. And it has to be shipped by boat, because it's an explosive device and can't be shipped by air.