great balls of fire

Patient: Hi, doc. I've been ejaculating blood for the past week.

Me: Sweet zombie Jesus. I mean, any other symptoms?

Patient: Well, my left testicle has seemed really enlarged and sore lately.

It is; twice the size of his left, in fact.

Me: Yeah, that's probably what's causing the blood-jizz. This can be caused by chlamydia or gonorrhea; so, uh, any affairs lately?

Patient: Absolutely not! But I have been having some pretty active sex lately. I thought I'd injured myself.

Me: *chuckling* No, that's just an infection. We'll clear that right up. But seriously, if you've been going hard enough that you thought you fucked your balls off, good work.

Patient: Thanks, doc.